After a couple of weeks of so much anxiety and my OCD just taking over to the extent that I couldn’t think anymore, I have decided to seek professional help again. I’ve seeked help before, however the therapists, psychiatrists and meds didn’t do much and so I gave up. The meds slowed me down and although I know technically that is what is supposed to happen in order for me to not freak out out easily, I hated it. I hated not caring and it made me feel so lazy. It made me feel like I didn’t want to change because having OCD and being a germaphobe was better than not caring and being unmoved by things that would trigger me normally.
Speaking to professionals helped, however only for a little time. It felt good speaking to someone openly without judgement and I felt great after my sessions and for the next couple of days felt like I was more in control over my rituals but then I would end up making other ritual instead.
I’m trying again now. I feel like it gets so bad sometimes that it’s now affecting my relationships and that is never a good thing. I feel like when that line is crossed and my close ones are getting fed up, it is a push to do something.
A couple of things that I also want to do is consistently exercise as I feel better when I do workout. Also, I am looking for OCD groups in my area.
I really hope there is a difference this time. I completely understand that my mental illness will stay with me till I die, but if it could get better, I could live with less stress, anxiety and an easier daily life. Not to mention, hopefully to keep my relations strong and unaffected.